back on track
Boy, what a good night! here’s what I’ve accomplished:
- changed 2 hedgehog cages
- changed cat litter box
- moved travel ferret cage from bedroom to animal room closet
- moved all dirty clothes from bedroom to laundry room (at least 3 loads worth)
- picked up all spilled trash in bedroom floor (one big bag)
- sacked up CDs and books
- moved old-clothes suitcase and christmas tree into closet (yes, i am aware of how silly it is to keep a tree up until april, but we are lazy people)
- rearranged remaining stuff in bedroom to allow easier access to closet door & walkways (i’m telling you, this place is a mess)
- vacuumed the bedroom and hallway
- scrubbed the toilet inside & out
- unclogged drain & scrubbed bathtub
- picked up various trash and extra cat doo from bathroom floor (she’s got bad aim apparently…and often)
- took 8 bags of trash to the dumpster down the street
- fed and watered all the animals so that husband can come home and come to bed (usually i feed, he waters)
- cleaned out old food from half of the fridge (until my trash bag got too heavy)
- moved chairs from bedroom to dining room
- made the bed
- took a nice cool shower, shaved, and washed my hair, then applied lotion all over
Whew! I’ve basically been working since I got home at 6 until about 11:30 with not many breaks – a short one for dinner (veggie burger & hominy) and a couple to finish the last 40 pages of my book (20 minutes tops). I have been BUSY! Sweat, sweat, sweat. Burn, burn, burn. Gotta love it!
And THEN, when I took the last trash bags out, I decided to go ahead and go for a walk. Granted, it was a fairly short one (around 2 buildings) since I kept hearing noises and getting paranoid, but it was a walk nonetheless. At night. By myself.
::somefatchick::
p.s. the thing that sucks about staying up late to work is that i always get hungry towards the end. it sucks trying to sleep while you’re hungry! (please, water, do the trick!)
pride
i am not very proud of last night’s entry, or my behavior towards the man i love more than anything.
i am, however, proud of the fact that during my whole 3-hour fit, i didn’t eat a single thing. this is good.
p.s. everything is mostly back to normal. i’ll try to remain sane from now on.
yep, she’s angry. (and feeling mildly immature to boot)
i want to be walking right now. i was SUPPOSED to be walking right now….two hours ago, actually. instead, i am superpissed at my husband, crying, and playing country music as loud as i can because i know he hates it.
sigh.
we were supposed to walk at 8:20 tonight. i gave him a half hour warning and he said he needed to lie down until then (been up since 5am). i was even nice enough to stop reading and turn off the light for him. so 8:20 comes and goes, and i feel sorry for him and agree to just a little longer. silly me thought he’d actually get up. ha. so now it’s way too late for me to go walking by myself; i won’t go alone late at night.
and now i feel like puking. and i mean physically, not disorderly. i just feel sick. and on top of it all, i have to listen to crappy country and worship music at full volume just to torture his ass. grrrrr.
did i mention that on MONDAY he told me that his dad had already registered & paid for us to enter a FIVE MILE walk/race on SATURDAY?! he mentioned wanting to do it over a month ago, but since we haven’t done the other 2 races i mentioned at the time, PLUS we haven’t bought new shoes (mine have holes…i still use them, but for 5 miles? doubtful) OR been properly training for it. so, silly me, i didn’t think a thing about it. now he springs it on me, and is furious that i don’t want to do it.
(i should mention that the reason i wanted to do a race in the first place was to prove to myself that i could. now i face a horrible choice: go and fail to finish the race, having to remember that horrible feeling forever….or refuse to go and piss off my husband and in-laws, plus feel stupid about missing an opportunity to exercise. AAAAAIIIIGHHHHH!!!!!!)
———-
i’m sorry. clearly, i feel like shit tonight. both physically (naseous) and emotionally….oh, and i feel shitty about myself in general too, since i haven’t walked one damn day this week. (can i blame that on him too? because that would feel nice right now.)
goddamn. i was sooo excited about walking tonight too. i wanted to see how far i could go, to see if finishing the race was feasable. now i just feel defeated. i wish i could hate him. i wish i could hurt him. i wish i could feel NORMAL right now. i wish i wasn’t too scared to go walk by myself – i can visualize it, but i can’t make it happen. i’m too paranoid to go out alone at night. i get scared walking to my car at night.
i feel like i’m at a low right now. but on the other hand, i’m still generally optimistic. i’m just full of temporary rage right now. it’s been a long time since i’ve vented. i almost want to jump on the scales to see if i’ve lost, to renew my sense of happy. but what if they say something bad?
not a good day.
Definitely worth the wait!
And the scales say….291.0!!
Ha ha ha ha! I’ve lost all that pesky weight that I regained a couple months ago PLUS one more pound. I am back on track. Life is GREAT.
I must say, Green Giant frozen veggies kick ass.
I’ve known this for quite some time, but just felt the need to share. Back to lunch.
I had a dream last night that had The Fat Teacher from high school in it. (This may be because I saw someone that looked like a smaller version of her driving around yesterday.) Anyway, I don’t remember anything about my dream except that she weighed 293.3 lbs and I woke up wanting to weigh less than that sooo badly. It’s all I can do to not go weigh myself. Argh. I’m just going to have to work extra hard these next two days so that the scales will reward me on Saturday.
Didn’t get to walk last night. We didn’t get home until almost midnight, so it was completely out of the question at that point. Sigh. But honestly, I probably wouldn’t have made it very far anyway, because I ate lunch at Red Robin yesterday and was sick for the rest of the afternoon and evening. It was really bad, people. This is probably at least the 3rd time that RR has made me sick, AND it also makes my oldest girl sick too. How very strange. I wouldn’t have gone there at all, but my youngest kid (I’m a nanny, if that hasn’t been mentioned) earned his spot on the swim team yesterday and it’s his favorite restaurant, so I promised to take him. Ugh. Never again.
the hardest part…
(But I still want to jump on the scales.)
rejoice!
I just walked through the kitchen to the laundry room…walked right by a tray of fresh low-fat brownies that I baked tonight…and I didn’t even nibble. I wasn’t even tempted by the “but they’re low-fat” excuse. And after I started feeling proud about that, I didn’t give myself permission to eat something else instead. I decided an hour ago that I can’t eat anything else today, so I’m following it. It sucks to be a little hungry at bed time, but I’m actually happy about it tonight.
Also, I walked 1.2 miles today. This is not including the walking of every aisle at the grocery store repeatedly. And I might add that I bought almost entirely healthy food tonight, and bought nothing that would be considered junkfood. So yay for me.
oh, yes
I forgot to mention: last year before my wedding I was measured properly for a bra. A whopping 48I. Yes, I, as in “I” have huge boobs.
I was measured properly again last month, and am now a 46I. Woo! We have lost band-width and maintained boobage.
Now as I continue to shrink, I only hope that they will eventually shrink with me. DD or DDD would be nice…I mean, it would suck to get skinny and still have to special order your bras online, you know?
