arg, i’m going crazy!
why am i going crazy? because i was supposed to weigh myself days ago, and i just keep forgetting! i do it at someone else’s house, and i’ve been there at least 3 times this week, but i just can’t remember to weigh. and i REALLY want to, too. i’ve been doing really well this week, other than exercise, and i want to see my results. grr! if i don’t remember to do it in the morning, then i’m just going to throw a fit. sunday is going to be hard, being halloween and all, especially with my sugar addiction. not to mention i might be giving out candy at my mom’s house, and she’s already bought boxes of little debbies (that’s her thing) and i KNOW she’s not going to get that many trick-or-treaters. so i need to weigh before then, so i’ll feel good about myself and maybe not eat so much. yep, that’s my plan.
More from the old livejournal
Yesterday went well. I ate a trail mix bar for breakfast, Lean Cuisine Fettucine Alfredo for lunch, macaroni & cheese (made with skim milk & half the butter) and Go-gurt for dinner, and a tube of go-gurt at about 11 because I was so hungry. But I didn’t want to eat TOO much that late, so that’s all I had…even though I was still hungry…and so when I went to bed at 1:30, my stomach was growling like crazy. So was Husband’s, and he rubbed mine to make it stop. Very cute. So I know that yesterday’s menu was not the best, but believe me, that’s good for us – no pizza involved, no candy, no dessert…very good.
So I’ve felt like crap ever since I woke up, which might have to do with going to bed starving. I ate a trail mix bar and drank a can of Monster (the “lo-carb” variety). I’m about to go meet my husband at his office so we can eat and vote. I’m hoping he takes me someplace yummy & healthy, because I just do not feel good, so the thought of eating greasy food is ICK! (And I LOVE that feeling – makes things a lot easier).
Oh, and I ate absolutely NO candy yesterday. Not a single piece! Yay! I’m going to do it again today. If the weather is nice tonight, I’m going to try to go for a walk.
weight: 302.5
Oh, I thought I could do it. I thought I could purchase massive amounts of candy for marketing purposes and not eat any of it. And while I was filling up bags of candy for my husband to give to clients, I didn’t eat a single piece. I was so good, I was feeling great about myself, I even bragged about not eating any. But when Husband came home, he started eating it. Eventually, this was interpreted as a go-ahead for me to eat it. It started out innocently enough, a Dum-Dum here, a Tootsie Roll there. Luckily, I did the damn bags the day I weighed myself last week, so I was unwilling to get out of control. Unfortunately, a week has passed since then, and the candy is still in my closet, and things have gotten out of control. It’s funny how we trick ourselves into believing that one or two pieces won’t hurt us, as long as that’s all we get. But when we keep going back for those one or two pieces all day long, it really adds up!
Honestly, I was expecting to gain more than a pound this week, so I’m not THAT upset about it. I’m going to accept this pound back into my body* and get over it. I need to concentrate on THIS week, not last week. I can’t change what I ate last week. I just need to be better this week. There’s no use feeling guilty about something that can’t be changed, right? Just get over it, learn from it, and do better. That’s all I can do.
*As I write these words, I feel sick. I just imagined putting a pound of something inside me, and that’s gross. I’m over it, but didn’t want to leave this feeling out of my journal – I need to remember it.
This has been my first OFFICIAL entry, NOT backdated. It happened today, folks.
::some fat chick::
weight: 301.5
[moved from livejournal, where this domain originally pointed]
This entry is also backdated, but written with actual thoughts and comments from that day.
WOW, what a week! What a surprise to get on the scale and find out you’ve lost 5.5 pounds! It’s really encouraging, and gives me the motivation to keep on doing what I’m doing.
And what is it that I’m doing? It’s so insanely simple, no one is going to believe me. All I did was wait until I was hungry to eat. Seriously! For example, one day we ordered pizza after work, because my husband was starving. It got there and I wasn’t even tempted to eat it. I ate lunch pretty late that day (because I wasn’t hungry at lunchtime), and I was determined to just wait until I was hungry again, even if it meant cold pizza (not a bad thing anyway). When I got around to eating it, I ate a piece at a time, waiting between pieces to find out if I was still hungry. Apparently it worked – 5 1/2 pounds!
The only thing I did that could possibly be considered exercise is my crazy dancing. I call it this because the term “dancing” is used in it’s loosest possible definition. Basically, I just put on Ace of Base and moved around a lot. Yeah, laugh at my selection, but somehow it motivates me. I think maybe because it was very popular when I was in my best shape, so those feelings come rushing back? Anyway, I didn’t do much of it, maybe 10 minutes total all week. I will try to be better about this in the future.
::some fat chick::
the beginning
[moved from livejournal, where this domain originally pointed]
This backdated entry will serve as the starting point for what I know will be a long, bumpy ride. It will be the beginning of my new online journal dedicated to my weight loss. If you enjoy it, wonderful. If it helps you, even better. But if you’re just here to make fun of me, go elsewhere. I’m so tired of criticism.
Ten years ago, I was in junior high, but only an inch shorter than I am now (5′10″). I was a size 6-10, depending on the clothes, and I looked HOT. Now I weigh TWICE as much as I did back then. TWICE. I have a whole other grown person inside me. I could be twins. I am terrified by the fact that my heart, my bones, my lungs are supporting two entire people. Every night when I go to sleep, a little part of me is scared that I won’t ever wake up again. This is NOT a way to live, and I don’t want to do it anymore.
This is the thought process that lead me to my realization that I HAVE to change now, while I still have time to be young and cute. I’d like to mega-boost my weight loss in the beginning, to give me the confidence to win. But even if I lost all my weight sensibly (the recommended 2 lbs a week), I could be at my ideal weight by my 25th birthday. That would still leave me PLENTY of time to wear sexy clothes and be young and cute. I don’t want to waste my youth as a fat chick, only to wise up and lose weight later! What’s the point then? I need to lose it NOW, to enrich my young life and extend my old. I love my husband waaay too much to die young.
So anyway, I finally got on the scale. It’s been a few months, but I am proud to announce that I only gained 1 pound this summer. Amazing. And even though I saw the biggest number I’ve ever seen on that scale, I was happy with it. My weight has been maintained, not elevated, and now I know I can do this. I will NEVER be 307 again.
::just some fat chick::
